Due to the existing societal structures and gender biases, boys and girls are taught different things about sex.
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These teachings are often reflected when they grow up to be men and women. While for men, having sex for the first time is no less than a big accomplishment, it is all about “losing” virginity in the case of women.
Such opposing constructs are a result of how we perceive sex as a society, and what we teach boys and girls about it. This often results in men feeling privileged when it comes to matters like sex and women feeling shy and underconfident in expressing their likes and desires.
Thus, it is important to lay the correct foundation when it comes to sex. Here are some lies we need to stop teaching boys about sex.
1. Sex is all about penetration
The common concept of virginity and sex is too narrow and limiting. It is all about penis-in-vagina penetration. However, this excludes oral and anal sex. Furthermore, it is also not inclusive of the sexual experiences of LGBTQ people. Boys need to be taught that sex means so much more to different people than just penetration.
2. Boys can’t be raped
Rape is a very underreported crime regardless of gender. In addition, rape and sexual violence against men and boys are even more underreported. This is because of the misconception that “men always want sex.” As per experts, male victims are forced to believe that there must be something “not right” with them if they do not enjoy the attack.
3. Porn is a great way to learn about sex
It’s important to teach boys that sex depicted in porn is not how it is supposed to be. They must be well aware of the fact that porn is a performance and not an instruction manual. Watching a lot of it won’t make them good at sex!
4. Sex is over when a man finishes
This is one of the primary reasons for sexually frustrated relationships. Men often believe that sex ends when they achieve orgasm, irrespective of whether their partner is satisfied or not. This is highly selfish and inconsiderate of them, and they need to be educated about it as young boys.
5. Sex should last for hours
The over-inspiration from porn often results in boys thinking that sex should last for hours. However, this is not true at all. If sex was as long as it is portrayed in porn, it would be a rather painful and uncomfortable experience.
6. Size is everything
If there’s one thing society has consistently equated with manliness, it’s penis size. So it’s not surprising that so many guys worry about measuring up.
Here’s the truth: Size matters, to some people, sometimes. But it’s not everything.
7. Oral and anal sex are safer than vaginal sex
While oral and anal sex may not result in pregnancy (and oral sex is generally considered the least likely of the bunch to spread HIV), you can still give and receive plenty of STIs from either act. Different options mean different risks, not necessarily fewer. The safest thing is to be sure you and your partner get tested regularly (rectal STI testing included, if that’s on the table), and, of course, use condoms.
8. If she doesn’t say no, that means “yes”
There’s so much shame and stigma surrounding sexuality that talking about consent might feel awkward, especially when you’re young. We need to get over this, because those are the most important conversations we can have. From the White House’s recent task force to curb sexual violence on college campuses, to student protests across the country, it’s clear that sexual assault remains an enormous problem for young men and women. Ignorance is no excuse.
We need to teach both boys and girls to be clear in their intentions, and always to respect one anothers’ bodily autonomy. This starts by emphasizing the following, no matter your gender: No means no. The absence of a clear “yes” also means no. Alcohol and clothing choices do not equal consent. And no one is ever obligated to have sex with anyone else. Ever.
Incidentally, the friend zone does not exist and cat calling women is not a compliment.
9. Boys Are Always DTF
Society has spent so much time focusing on men’s libido that even the occasional lack of desire can feel emasculating. But sometimes men — like women — just aren’t ready to go. Things like diet, sleep, stress and confidence can all affect the mood.
10 Straight Men Don’t Do Butt Stuff
Exploring their backside is taboo for many straight guys because they worry about seeming gay.
This is silly for many reasons, the most obvious of which is that there’s nothing wrong with being gay. Additionally, not all gay men engage in anal sex.
Whatever your sexuality, the prostate doesn’t discriminate. This walnut-sized gland, also known as the “male G-spot,” can be found between the penis and bladder, and many men — gay and straight — report that its stimulation leads to more intense orgasms.